RELATIONSHIPS AND RIPPLES

I started my career in residential care in England briefly, before moving to Scalloway Park children’s home in Fraserburgh Scotland where I proudly worked for four years. I recently received this message from one of the young people who I worked with then:

“Hello Ian Hope you are well, would just like to thank you for being there for me when I was in Scalloway Park, some of the things u said to me still stuck with till this day”.

Hearing from those that we’ve previously worked with isn’t unusual. However, what was perhaps unusual about this was that I had not seen or heard from Matt in 30 years.

I can still clearly see his 15-year-old face and, underneath his presenting anger, frustration and difficulties, his shy warm smile. We had what at the time I would have called a ‘good relationship’ and I have occasionally thought about him over the years and wondered how his life progressed. For a year or so, I would have been a very important figure in his life, and he in mine.

Beyond what he said above, I have no idea of what specific memories Matt has of me or our time together at Scalloway Park, nor the extent to which our ‘fragments’ would even match up. However, it does remind me of one of the findings from my 2015 doctoral research with care leavers who went to university. Many of my participants talked about the positive influence of key adults earlier on in their lives who, often unknowingly and/or who they were no longer in touch with, were in hindsight very important in their long pathway to get to university. As well as some individual relatives and residential workers, foster carers and social workers, it was teachers and school counsellors who for them featured particularly prominently.

Today we are rightly paying far more attention to the importance of strengthening enduring relationships and connections. For example this was a major finding of the recent, and highly audacious, Scottish Independent Care Review (https://www.carereview.scot/).

However I also reckon that beyond the current active relationships we have, whether care experienced or not, as we make our way through life we all continue to benefit from, draw upon and get nurtured by past positive relationships, whether that be feelings around understanding, acceptance, love, identity, recognition, achievement, inspiration or belief.

How might those who you and your colleagues work with, reflect on your impact on their lives in the years to come? How far will your ripples go? Matt above is now a grandfather.

Postscript: With the recent focus in so many jurisdictions on the historical abuse of children in care, this post would not be complete without a clear acknowledgement of the thousands of children and young people in the ‘care’ of government organisations and NGOs across the world, who have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused or neglected by residential workers and foster carers. Often such abuse was perpetrated under the guise of a caring relationship.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can email me at: iain@betteroutcomes.co.nz

Kia kaha (Stay Strong).

Iain