CHRISTMAS
Last week in Auckland was the last in our first series of training workshops for managers and practitioners on transitioning from out-of-home care. One of the themes that came up again and again was ‘connection and belonging’. With the southern hemisphere summer holidays almost upon us, I thought that I’d talk about this here in the context of Christmas.
As a practitioner, the first book that I ever read on the residential care of children was called The Hour of the Wolf and other Short Stories (1985) by Phil Carradice. There’s one particular real-life story called Christmas Day at the Workhouse which has stayed with me over the years. It describes two residential workers taking a couple of ten year olds who had recently come into care, Jason and Patrick, on a Christmas shopping trip. Both boys were going to be returning home to their families for Christmas that afternoon. While they were out, the two residential workers spontaneously decided to take the children to see Santa in his (somewhat tacky) ‘grotto’. Jason, one of the boys, was very excited, fully embraced the opportunity and enthusiastically asked for a new bike. However the other boy, Patrick, refused to approach Santa – turned out his life at home had been particularly difficult and intense and he’d never seen a Santa Claus in real life before, and was entirely overwhelmed and scared. Sitting alone in the car afterwards one of the workers turns to the other and says “Poor little bastard…ten years old and never seen Father Christmas. What kind of childhood has that kid had?”.
Like for Jason, for some in residential and foster care, or transitioning from OOHC, Christmas (or Diwali, Eid-al-Fitr, Passover or New Year etc.) can be a wonderful time, whether that is spending rare time with loved and loving family or old friends, or creating new traditions and memories with new people (or meeting Santa!). However, those coming into, in, or leaving care are at risk of social exclusion, and Patrick’s reaction above suggests that his experience of Christmas was very different to that of most of us. For many Christmas, with its high social expectations, is at best difficult and challenging and at worst stressful, painful and even traumatising. Christmas Day is perhaps the one time in the year when the extent and nature of our ‘connections and belonging’ in particular is put to the test in a highly visible way. Equally, Christmas Day is also a very powerful and emotional manifestation of what those in OOHC have ‘lost’, ‘escaped from ’ or ‘re-built’.
For those in residential care, is there at its most basic for example, an expectation, offer, or possibility of somewhere for the young people to even go on Christmas Day? If there is does the young person want to, would it be in their best interests and safe enough to do so, and what planning would need to be done to maximise the likelihood that it goes well? If not, will they get any visits, presents or even cards from family and friends, and what should residential staff be focusing on with them in the run-up to Christmas, which is already a particularly busy time of year, and on the day itself? For those in foster care, how can foster carers and social workers (yes, social workers too) ensure that this time is a positive experience that also supports and builds upon, rather than undermines, the child’s sense of identity? And for those transitioning from care and possibly living by themselves, how can they, without spending a fortune, be helped to experience this time in ways that can be meaningful to them?
While Christmas is a religious festival for some (including children in and transitioning from care, their families, foster carers and residential staff), beyond the commercialisation and trees, tinsel, toys, table decorations and turkeys, for most across Australia and New Zealand Christmas is also an important cultural and social celebration of connection and belonging. What are you doing this year to make it a better experience for those in, or transitioning from, residential and foster care?